Polarity: On Structure and Flow
I’m known for having a lifestyle you might expect more from a 60-year-old than a 30-year-old. I have a set morning routine, voluntary abstinence from various activities and substances, and an early bedtime.
On the surface, my actions may seem overly structured. If one overlays too much rigidity, where is the space for the flow and beauty of life?
However, there’s a method to my madness.
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The experience I aim for through how I now live my life is to be able to take a clear-eyed view of myself every day and know I am working towards my version of greatness. In this season of life, greatness to me is living a deeply authentic, agentic, and present life.
For me, this requires structure and discipline. Structure accounting for my time and discipline accounting for my actions.
This motivation and the conditions necessary to realize it were things I came to realize only after working through many dark and frightening corners of my mind. This process has been continuing across my entire life. However, the moment that really kicked things up a notch presented itself through a 10-day silent meditation retreat I participated in while in Korea.
The Retreat
The retreat operated upon a strict code of discipline:
to abstain from killing any being;
to abstain from stealing;
to abstain from all sexual activity;
to abstain from telling lies;
to abstain from all intoxicants.
In addition to these codes, there was a set and consistent schedule for each day:
[4:00-4:30 am] Wake up
[4:30-6:30 am] Meditation
[6:30-8:00 am] Breakfast break
[8:00-11:00 am] Meditation
[11:00-12:00 pm] Lunch break
[12:00-1:00 pm] Break
[1:00-5:00 pm] Meditation
[5:00-6:00 pm] Dinner break
[6:00-7:00 pm] Meditation
[7:00-8:15 pm] Teacher's Discourse
[8:15-9:00 pm] Meditation
[9:00-9:30 pm] Q&A
[9:30 pm] Sleep
I observed that because there was structure both in terms of time and action, my mind was released from its usual anxious patterns: What do I have to do today? Who am I meeting? What do I need to prepare for? Am I making the most of this day?
I had chosen to bound my existence for 10 days to the container of the retreat, which allowed me to surrender to the experience. Surrender created spaciousness. Within this spaciousness arose spontaneous revelations, insights, and release that clarified for me how I wanted to live my life and what were the actions required of me to carry this vision out beyond the retreat.
The retreat lit the flame that would spark change in my life. However, it was up to me to carry this flame forward.
Hence my structured lifestyle.
My Everyday Structures
I’ve been exploring my own code of discipline. Some pillars I’ve been playing with:
Abstaining from alcohol. Abstaining from dairy. Abstaining from eating past 7pm.
The quality of my life is highly dictated by the quality of my GI tract.
I find both my body and mind feel better, more consistent, and clearer when I have both kept out toxins from my GI tract and also have it on a regular schedule.
Abstaining from most social media.
There is incredible content online that I am so grateful to have access to. However, I allow myself access to only a small portion of it.
I stopped using Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. several years ago and have found tremendous benefits to doing so.
I do still use LinkedIn, Spotify, and YouTube for business, music, and education.
I limit myself because I know myself. I have the tendency to use social media to distract myself from the discomforts in my life, the exact discomforts that are the opportunities for my growth. I’m no longer willing to sacrifice myself nor my vision to the temptation traps of social media.
My schedule adapts to the season of life I find myself in. My current experimentation has included:
Morning: Fueling
I start the day with meditation, yoga, gym, and warm food.
I believe that what I have to offer others comes from what I first offer myself. By pouring into my own transformation, I hope others see they can also give themselves the permission to do what is necessary for their greatness, thereby leading to a world of more fulfilled and free people.
I know I am incredibly privileged to live so “me first”. I live alone, I do not have a family to take care of, I have no pets, I dictate my own schedule as a solopreneur. On top of the privileges that have allowed me this life, I also make a lot of intentional choices so that I can maintain this form. It’s almost certainly going to change. But for now, I choose to make me and the experiment that is my life my dedicated focus.
Afternoon: Working
I have set hours for coaching, for writing, for learning, and for admin that I predetermine across the week as well as within each day.
I keep my phone on “Do not disturb” the entire day, as I can access all necessary work tools from my laptop. My close connections know by now that I’m a pretty infrequent texter. But (I hope!) they know because my behavior is consistent, this is not a sign of decreased dedication to them.
Evening: Winding Down
My evenings are still a work-in-progress, as this is the part of my day where I’ll say yes to social engagements that require more flexibility.
However, I still try to infuse structure in the form of early dinners, evening meditation, reading, no screens an hour before sleeping, and an early bedtime.
Weekend: Enjoying
Structure should not necessarily mean brittle. Too much rigidity, and a system can shatter. So beyond my morning routine, my weekends are open to whatever I feel like doing. Sometimes it’s going out to dance, sometimes it’s a meditation course, sometimes it’s doing nothing!
My Conditions for Flow
Because of the structure of my schedule, I find that each part of my day has the room for complete presence and flow within.
For example, let’s take my morning yoga class. When I used to be less structured with my schedule, my yoga class had the potential to become a boundless session for my anxious mind. My mind would run wild with ruminations from the past and potential catastrophes I hadn’t foreseen.
However, with my more structured life, my mind is now calm during my yoga classes, allowing it the opportunity for silence as well as insights.
An important ingredient to this setup is trust. It’s not just that I have a schedule laid out that grants my mind access to ease. It’s that I’ve shown myself time and again that I can trust myself to surrender. I’ve shown myself that I can handle my life.
It’s not about the schedule. It’s about whether or not I can trust myself to do what I say I’ll do.
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Takeaways
On the surface, there is seeming polarity between structure and flow. However, as with many forces in nature, perhaps its not just a between but rather also within, of, to, and beyond.
Structure can be found within flow, and flow within structure. Structure is in service of flow, and flow of structure.
Structure leads to flow, and flow to structure.
Rarely is anything one or the other, black or white, this or that. How might we more deeply experience the inherently wiggly and unknowable nature of existence through creating harmonious form and function in our lives?
A Note
While I’m a fan of structure in service of flow, I have my hesitancies about habit tracking, the quantified self movement, and general self-improvement culture. I sense that it’s easy to get sucked into structure for structure’s sake and forget to allow in the essence of what it is you’re creating structure for. It’s not inherently bad to track a habit or optimize your life. Just don’t forget the why underlying your choices.
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Questions for you
What is your relationship to structure?
What is your relationship to flow?
How do you feel about the current balance of structure and flow in your life?
What would your days look like if you were working fully towards your definition of greatness?