Sometimes there are no shortcuts. Especially with cats 🐈

I recently visited my parents and found that a clowder* of cats had moved into the neighborhood. I am a recent cat convert, so was eager to mingle with them. The direct approach with cats had not proven fruitful for me in the past. So I decided to engage an indirect approach.

Day 1: Hello there

On my first morning walk, I found a cat hot spot in the corner of my neighborhood. I sat down several meters away from the closest cat. 7 different cats came to observe me from afar, but none approached me. I proceeded to sit near the cats for about 30 minutes before saying goodbye.

Day 2: Hello again

On my second morning walk, I returned to the cat hot spot and sat down again several meters away from the closest cat. Again, several cats came to observe me. And again, none approached. I stayed again for awhile before saying goodbye.

Day 3: Hello friend

On my third morning walk, I returned to the cat hot spot and sat down again. But this time, almost as soon as I sat down, one cat start zigzagging its way towards me. I could tell it was nervous so I slow-blinked at the cat to let it know I meant it no harm. After passing in front of me several times, the cat brushed itself against me. It purred and nudged its forehead against my hand. It even rolled on its back in a request for belly rubs!

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Takeaways

In a world that rewards expediency, shortcuts are alluring in their promise to cut back the time and energy required to accomplish our pursuits. However, some pursuits require not expediency but consistency.

I find this to be especially true in building relationships. With others but also with ourselves. Showing up again and again with curiosity, non-judgement, and vulnerability. To try and find shortcuts in the realm of relationships can rob them of the richness they offer. Can you recall a deeply meaningful relationship where you were able to “shortcut” your way through to depth? I can’t.

I’ve been reminded of this principle through coaching. It’s usually around session 4-5 I notice a palpable shift in trust. The client’s trust in me as well as in themself. And also my trust in the client as well as in myself. It’s likely if I tried to force this trust to form earlier in the relationship I would keep it from forming at all. So I show up to each interaction with my fullest presence and gratitude for the moment, doing my best to create the conditions for trust to blossom on its own.

*Apparently a group of cats is called a “clowder.” How delightful!

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Questions for you

What is a pursuit you’d like to channel more time and energy towards?

What are the conditions you need to create to show up consistently for this pursuit?

What is a challenge you foresee in being able to create these conditions?

How might you preemptively take this challenge into account as you work on this pursuit?