Returning to the Motherland
Today I’m writing to you from South Korea. I decided to travel back to the motherland to:
Spend quality time with my extended family in service of deepening my connections with them
Soak up the healing power of physically being on motherland soil
Meet with Koreans living in Korea to better my understanding of the challenges I share with them as a fellow member of the Korean diaspora as well as the distinctions between us that arise from living in different contexts
Meditate at a 10-day silent retreat
Slow down
Rest
To be frank, I was waffling on my decision of whether or not to come for quite some time. Being connected to my sense of Koreanness makes up a large part of my identity and I’ve been fortunate enough to return to Korea every few years to soak up the ineffable comfort that comes from having my feet on this ground. These touchpoints help me feel as sense of rootedness even as a member of the diaspora who lives abroad.
However, being in the first year of starting my coaching business, I felt a lot of guilt when thinking of the time I’d be taking off instead of executing on “tangible” business milestones. This guilt stemmed from narratives I’d internalized about struggle and suffering related to business.
I should be working 24/7, pitching/posting/networking constantly. If I’m not, I’m probably not doing enough.
If I take time off, it’s going to come across as me not taking my business seriously enough.
If I take time off, I’m going to go broke and not be able to provide for my future self.
So much swirl. I spent a lot of time trying to tease apart the swirl I was experiencing. I thought, if I could just manage to separate out each strand of this swirly mess and address them one-by-one, then I would reach a level of clarity from which I could make a decision about whether or not to go on this trip.
I tried this for weeks, but there was no relief from the swirl. At a point of complete exhaustion and frustration, I spoke to one of my peer coaches (coaches need coaching too!) who offered me an idea.
What if instead of addressing each individual strand of the swirl you observed the swirl as a whole?
What would it be trying to tell you?
With this helpful nudge to take a step back, I realized the swirl represented how untethered I felt after many seasons of intense change. I went from living independently to moving in with family due to COVID, then to moving to a new continent for graduate school, then moving after graduation to a city I’d never lived in before, then starting a business for the first time. I needed something grounding, soothing, calming. Something to help me return to myself.
So that’s how I ended up here, writing to you on a rainy day here in Seoul. I’ll be here through the rest of October and mostly offline. I’ll then spend November reflecting and gathering my thoughts to share some of my learnings with you. But I may send a newsletter here and there as things inspire me during my trip ✨ Stay tuned!
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Takeaways
For me, living in a world that incentivizes optimization, efficiency, speed, is oftentimes maddening.
So I have to take concerted steps to create slowness and stillness so I can live at a pace that’s right for me.
In many cases, what I see around me makes me doubt myself. But when instead of turning outward and referencing others, I turn inward and reference my own values and goals, I know I am making the right decisions for me.
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Questions for you
What is something you’re feeling some swirliness around? What do you think the swirl might be trying to tell you?
What are the places, rituals, communities that ground you? How do you tend to these connections for yourself?
What is something you’d like to hear more about from my time in Korea 🇰🇷?